 It’s not that I am afraid of heights, really. It’s that I am terrified of falling from heights. I love to fly in airplanes and look down at the ground so far below. But ask me to get up on a ladder and you will see terror in my eyes. Once, when my children were much younger, they happened to come into a room where I was installing a ceiling fan. One of them asked my wife, “Why is the ladder shaking so much, mommy?” “It’s just Daddy on the ladder, honey”, she said.
And yet, throughout my life I have found myself out on a ledge many, many times. Oh, trust me, never literally! But figuratively speaking, it seems that I am drawn to situations whereby I find myself trembling at the thought of falling off of where I find myself. And so I have to fight through the fear and anxiety that I feel in my gut to find a solution to the problem. And often it was not simply a momentary situation. It was more often than not, a long term situation I found myself in. Whether it was a job, a volunteer role, a home improvement project or whatever, I had to come to grips with the reality that, yes, I am on a ledge here. And if I fall, it’s going to cause real damage to me (or someone else). So, that simply cannot happen. I think those kind of situations helped me to learn how to really focus and to compartmentalize my thoughts and fears. The task had to be completed. And there simply could not be any casualties, least of all to me! And so I gritted my teeth, put my head down and persevered to the end. I learned not to look down. I learned that if I focus on achieving the outcome and not focus (too much) on the perils, I could be successful. I will be honest with you – I still do all I can to avoid ladders and ledges. After all these years, the churning of my stomach has not abated. But if the climb is unavoidable, I do not shrink from it. And once the task is through, I might even look out to the horizon and enjoy the view. |